In light of Halloween I have been thinking about good fear verses bad fear. Fear is often the most common obstacle that my clients and I discuss. It manifests in many ways. For myself, it can immobilize me, keep me stuck, cloud my judgment, give me tunnel vision, and generally prevent me from taking a solutions-oriented approach. It is important that we understand the difference between ‘being scared of something’ and ‘doing something that scares us’. Often, we are just as scared not to do something, as we are scared to do something, as we know it is the next step towards our success.
When we are scared of doing something and feeling stuck, we are often not scared of the entire scenario, ie going after a new job. We might be scared of interviewing, or starting the search process, or beginning the tedious task of updating and formatting our resume, but surely not every part is that scary.
What to do? Break it down. Pick what you are scared of and break it down into small parts, like the job scenario I listed above. Then decide what you need help with. The first step to getting unstuck is often breaking down our task into mini tasks. You might seek help before or after you have broken down the task into parts. For instance if you want to buy a home but have no idea where to begin, it would make sense to meet with someone to help you figure out all of the mini-tasks involved and then possibly seek further help with the mini-tasks if needed. Sometimes it seems obvious in hindsight, but when we are so caught up in our fear, our ability to problem solve becomes limited. Remember that every accomplishment begins with very small steps and identifying those small steps is the key to your success.
Holiday Helper: Feeling stress about the holidays? Holidays can make us all feel anxious. From people-pleasing and seeing relatives you only see once a year, to feeling lonely and suddenly like our life is under a microscope. Be proactive! Take a moment and ask yourself “How do I want to feel this holiday season?” “What actions can I take to support these feelings”?