A couple of weeks ago I was having a horrible day. I was tearful, sad, angry, confused, and filled with self-doubt. In those moments I was losing faith in myself, unable to see any of my strengths, any of my unique gifts (that every human surely possesses)…and I was worried I might have lost my “powers.” As I thought about my upcoming meeting with one of my clients later in the day, I feared I would have nothing to offer. I showed up to the meeting reminding myself…just be present for them. I did this and guess what happened?
I sat down with my client and gave her all of my focus. I listened with compassion. I reminded myself that Life Coaching isn’t about the coach being the “fixer” and the client being the “receiver” of magic solutions, but instead an integrated process between client and coach. I trusted this process because it was much bigger than me. At the end of our session, her shoulders were more relaxed, the pace at which she spoke slowed, she hugged me, thanked me, and said something like…my challenges seem so simple now, but the perspective we came to together made it all manageable. In that moment that she was thanking me for making her problems manageable, she reminded me that I still had much to offer and that self-pity often comes when we are overly self-focused. When we forget our role in our communities and the many relationships that we have, be it with colleagues, family, or friends, these are the moments we also forget what we have to offer. It happens when we forget what we mean to other people. It happens when we forget, even if only momentarily, that everything is not all about ourselves. It happens to the best of us.
I realized my moments of self-doubt were mostly about me feeling like I had nothing left to contribute. That’s what self-pity does to us…it blinds us to our own gifts…our own unique “powers.” So what’s the lesson? The lesson for me was, when I am feeling sorry for myself, I need to take a pause on thinking about my own self-doubt. Make it not about me, leave myself alone, stop picking on myself. Instead, perhaps listen to another person’s challenges, or help someone be kind to themselves. It doesn’t mean I have to “fix” them…only acknowledge and validate their experience. In the end…I believe it’s what we all want…to be acknowledged and validated…to be seen as we see.
**If you want help taking ownership of your time, contact me about my time-management workshop. It’s fun, personal, and will leave you with a calendar you will love. Interested in shaking things up? Contact me about my individual, couples, or group Vision Board workshop and discover new ways of creative planning.